Discipling in Broken Places

By Melody Marshall | My Village Ministries

When I first started to work with kids from hard places, it was as a house parent for at-risk teenagers. The kids in my home came from failed foster care placements, psych wards, and juvenile detention centers. God gave me an enormous heart of compassion for them as I saw them begin to thrive in the stability of our home. But at the same time, a harsh bitterness was growing in me towards the parents that had “messed everything up”. They were the villain in my

narrative. The ruiners of these precious girls.

After a season of running this house, my family moved back to Ohio and began a more “normal life” of work and kids and Church and regular rhythms. Before long, God called us back to serve through a ministry of family preservation. I showed up at that first training with my rock-hard, bitter-at-the-parents heart. About halfway through the day, a woman came on stage to share her testimony. And I sat there with tears streaming down my face.

She had 10 kids and then lost 10 kids into the foster care system. Exactly who I would have judged and seen as the enemy.

But then she shared about the abuse she had been through as a 5yo girl. The rape and harm and heartbreak. How her mind froze at that tiny age and could do nothing but survive. How she turned to drugs and alcohol and men to numb the pain of her memories. And a simple truth became so clear. She was the original orphan.

I had a fundamental change of heart that day. Ezekiel 36:26 says, “I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” God can change even me. Do I know I would have lived any differently in her shoes? Praise God that I’ve never had to find out. That day in training, I began a new journey of loving the whole family. Seeing with humble eyes the dignity of each person as an image bearer of Christ. Fighting for families to stay together whenever possible. And in all of this, a totally different discipleship than I had learned in youth groups as a

young teen.

Have you ever tried to disciple someone who has such a drastically different life than you that it’s almost absurd? I’m not talking about, I grew up with a one-car garage, and you had two. I’m talking about different cultures, socio-economic statuses, levels of parental engagement, feelings of safety, you name it. And let me say first, I will never pretend it’s not messy and hard. But let me add that I have been so richly blessed in this work that I can’t imagine living any other way now.

There are two big things I learned that I think can apply to discipleship no matter who you are living life with. One, we must always prioritize connection with those we want to disciple. We cannot hope to influence anyone who feels zero connection to us. Be patient; it’s okay to linger on the good work of connecting truly with someone. Especially someone who has maybe never had another soul to trust. Be curious and not judgmental. Be humble and unoffendable. Be a co-sufferer in this broken world.

In his book, The Other Half of Church, Jim Wilder writes, “The right brain processes these questions: Who is happy to see me here? What do I feel right now? Is there anyone here who understands me? How do I act like myself right now? What do my people do in this situation? The answers to these questions drive our character development. ”

If the brains of those we are serving are asking, “what do MY PEOPLE do in this situation?”, and their rolodex is full of those who have hurt them or shown them poor examples, well, we’ve gotta give them some new people. And we will never be “their people” if we cannot build a connection to them.

And two, build discipleship relationships that are aimed at resilience. If our goal is to remove all hardship from those we serve, they will never develop their own resilience. We get to walk with them through the valley, just like our Father does, not remove all valleys from their lives. Resilience is developed as we continue to face adversity. Only Jesus can save. That’s not our job. If we think the relationship is dependent on us removing their adversity, it will fail miserably. Galatians 6:2 says, “Carry each other’s burdens” but verse 5 says, “for each one should carry

their own load”. The goal is that those we serve would have the dignity and resilience to walk the path God has laid out for them.

I’m so glad I sat in that training 9 years ago. I’m glad that I have had the privilege of watching young mothers fight for their families, even when it looked so different from how I was fighting. I’m glad that God calls us to discipleship. Maybe don’t ask me on a hard day. But today, I’m glad.

My Village Ministries is a family preservation ministry based in Biblical hospitality. For more information on their important and effective work, visit myvillageministries.com.