5 Ways to Love Your Pastor’s Family
- Brittany Nye
- Oct 20
- 2 min read
It’s Pastor Appreciation Month, and by extension, it’s an opportune time to love your pastor’s family well! Your pastor’s spouse and children can powerfully experience the love of the Father through congregants like you, so don’t miss out on opportunities to bless them not only this month, but every month.
Be compassionate- The pastor’s spouse is often a volunteer who is involved in the work in some capacity, but we shouldn’t expect them to know or do everything related to the ministry. Each pastor’s spouse has different giftings, so placing expectations on them to lead in certain capacities is not based on Scripture, but archaic traditions. Similarly, your pastor’s kids are not perfect! Make sure your expectations for them are appropriate for their age and stage of life, and extend grace and patience to them.
Be friendly- The pastor’s spouse may seem put together, but often experiences hardships they can’t share openly about with the congregation. They can struggle with either putting on a happy face or becoming embittered. Being genuinely interested in them and initiating conversations with them goes a long way in showing you care. Don’t assume they have all the friends in the world, because they might be in need of a good friend just like you!
Be helpful- Consider ways within your means that you can bless the pastor’s family. Can you make them a meal? Can you offer to babysit so they can go on a date? Can you help round up their kids after church on Sunday? Can you help with home renovations, yardwork, or car repair? If the Lord has blessed you with extra resources, consider giving the pastor’s family a gift card or a free stay at your vacation home. Any offer to help lighten the load is a way of saying, “I see you and I care about your family.”
Be wise- Rumors can destroy godly ministries, and gossip in the church can easily be cloaked as prayer requests. If you hear something regarding your pastor, pastor’s spouse, or children, be wise about what you do next. Seek out the truth from them directly (Matthew 18) and seek wisdom from the Father. Let’s show love to our pastor’s families by not spreading lies and instead using our speech to build up the Body (Eph. 4:29).
Be prayerful- Remember your pastor’s family in your prayers regularly. There are struggles they face that are visible to you, but some that are only known and seen by our Heavenly Father. Ask them how you can specifically pray for them, and set aside time daily or weekly to lift them up. Pray for their spiritual health, physical health, marriage, parenting, financial provision, and godly friendships.
Barna reports that “our data uncovers some concerning patterns:[...pastors’] lowest flourishing scores appear in areas where human connection matters most—relationships and well-being.” Churches have a great opportunity to to love pastors–and by extension, their families– by ministering to them through compassion, friendship, tangible help, words of encouragement, and prayer. Let’s advocate for their well-being and do whatever we can to help them flourish!
